lots on my mind..

I don't know what it is about this town...but i swear to you everytime i'm here for more than like 2 days i start getting depressed and think too much, lol....I'm pretty sure i've relaxed myself about my retarded insecurities that i've had the past few days...i knew i'd get them..but it was worth it...and they've passed for the most part..so it's all good

My blood tests came back..and as suspected everything is completely normal...so they still dunno what my deal is, lol...if i'm still like this in a week or two i get to call dr adams and he's gunna change up my medicine a little...try to prevent any sort of drastic downfall or return to that horrible place i was in senior year...

Grammie hasn't been doing very well :-/ that doesn't make me happy..it actually really worries me...i love my grammie...shes the only grandparent i've ever really known..i mean yeah there was Emory, the step grandpa...but he got alzheimers when i was like 3 so he never really knew who i was...and he was in a nursing home somewhere until he died so yeah, i think i only saw him the two years or so we were livingi n dc....and one of the times was to see him carted off in the ambulance...a little traumatizing....but yeah...and my mom is really close to gram....just like i'm super close to my momma....she's been taking care of gram pretty much full time since before spring break last year...and i know it's hard on her..she's really stressed..but she won't quit...even if it's driving her into the ground....luckily since gram has moved into her little apartment thing out at redstone assisted living, mom's gotten a bit of a break...it's not quite so rough on her...other than making sure gram gets to all of her many many dr appointments...

i smiled tonight while we were visiting her...i miss her so much it's nuts...and she's just so sweet and spunky...that must be where i get my sass from, haha...i'm firey like her...and apparently according to one of the little attendent women i resemble my grammie around the eyes...which rocks...my grandmother is beautiful...always has been...and anytime people comment on my resembling her, from eye shape to nice complexion...i never cease to be utterly flattered...

is it terrible that i think alot about what's gunna happen when she....is no longer with us? like...i worry about that...a lot....and i shouldnt....then again i worry about all sorts of things that i shouldnt..so oh well....

ok this is really long, no one reads it anyway, and i'm starving...sooo i'm gunna stop babbling........