My mind is a wreck..

Spring break is over...i have to go back to classes tomorrow... here's a brief summary of why my mind is just...a jumbled ball of emotions

-The wife of my daddy's best friend committed suicide...leaving behind a daughter in her first year at UAH and a 13 year old down's syndrome boy..along with her husband, who is a wonderful man..and has caused Willowbrook West to grow incredibly and touched so many lives...
-Grammie is sick
-I got a speeding ticket on the way home from Kentucky
-Daddy doesn't know it yet....
-But the trip was totally worth getting the ticket, haha
-My grades are not going to be very good this semester...
-Todd Overton is probably going to be in prison for a decent chunk of time..even though i dont think it's enough time...
-Things worked out for donovan with his problems, hooray :)
-I've found someone that i care so deeply for that it frightens me...
-For those of you who know Garrett Anderson from highschool- he had a heart attack..and since his MS is so bad the outlook is not good...
-I've done a LOT of growing up...and I've been thinking about how different i am..even from like...a week ago...
-A couple times i've just gotten to where i can't deal with it all..and i just burst into tears...
-I have no idea what i'm gunna do with my life...like really...none whatsoever
-I'm terrified of disappointing my parents...dad particularly
-I never feel like i'm good enough
-I'm scared the depression is coming back....
-I miss my mom like crazy
-Caroline seems to find guys so easily...i definitely dont...and when i do...of course, it's impossible for anything to come of it...i swear i'm gunna end up the cat lady...i'm just destined to be alone i guess...no matter how badly i want it to be otherwise...
-I feel like i'm wasting my parents money....
-I feel like i have no purpose
-I feel like i'm taking all of my blessings for granted, all the while whining about what i don't have...
-I really want to start going to church down here...
-I almost feel like i've been used...even though i KNOW it isn't true...
-I don't regret anything, i'm thankful for everything i've experienced
-I've made memories that i will never, ever forget...i wish i could have stopped time...or held onto those moments just a little longer...I don't think i've ever been truly happy and relaxed and comfortable as i was then.....
-I miss something that i never had...if that's possible...
-I thank God everyday for my friends... some specifically by name...
-I wish some current situations could be different...but i know they can't...which sucks..and i know that they quite possibly never will be...which sucks more...
-I wish i could word everything in my head...
-I'm exhausted...mentally...emotionally...physcially....

i dont even have the attention span for this anymore... just to clarify, i really am ok...i probably sound a little off kilter...i'm just by myself and thinking too much, haha...for the most part i really am happy...the good definitely outweighs the bad...i just have to put it in perspective...

quit your life, stay with me....-MxPx

"because the things you're scared of are usually the most worthwhile...."-Chasing Liberty

"But I think this: that whatever prices I've paid, whatever sorrows i shoulder, well, I have blessings, too." -She's Come Undone